White House security was on high alert today as a mysterious orange creature with floppy hair suddenly appeared outside the oval office and demanded to see the President.
Secret service were initially confused as to the proper course of action towards the cartoonish figure, who was found wandering the grounds and ranting about the Paris Climate Accord.
“At first we thought it was just the President having another one of his senior moments,” said a Secret Service agent involved with the encounter, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “From a distance, they look kind of similar actually. But when we cuffed the suspect it became immediately apparent that the intruder’s hands were much too large to be those of the President and we immediately detained him for questioning.”
The interloper, who identified himself only as “The Lorax” appears to have had environmental issues on his mind when he appeared, with a popping sound, directly outside the President’s office. He was heard to say that he spoke for the trees,” and also the beasts and the skies and the seas.”
“He kept ranting about the President’s environmental policies,” our source said. “I frankly didn’t know there were so many colorful rhymes for ‘carbon emissions'”
Under questioning by the Secret Service, the Lorax would only repeat what he said was his personal message to the President. “Shame on you sir, for there is nothing noble, in selling our future off to Exxon/Mobil.”
Asked to comment on the incident, senior Presidential advisor Kellyane Conway would only say that the incident was “Typical liberal hysteria.” She then encouraged people to check out the new Thneed collection on IvankaTrump.com. “I think you’ll agree that Thneeds are something everyone needs. So you should definitely buy a bunch,” she said.
Press secretary Sean Spicer, had this to offer on the controversy. “I, and I think I can speak for the President here as well, have only the greatest respect for trees and foliage of all kinds, without which I would have no place to hide when being asked difficult questions.”
The President was somewhat less conciliatory in his response to the incident. “Don’t cry to me, with your eyes scrunched and squiggly,” he tweeted, “we’re growing our factories, growing them BIGLY!”
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