The recent Federal budget, proposed by President Donald J. Trump, contains a provision that would, by 2018, double the existing allocation for Smoke and Mirrors. This represents the largest single increase in this federal program since the second year of the George W. Bush administration.
Since first enacted in 1968, the Smoke and Mirrors program has been one of the four pillars of the Federal budget. Along with Defense, Social Security and Medicare, the highly successful program represents the lion’s share of all Federal tax dollars spent annually and is, some would argue, the guiding principal behind most functions of our government. With this in mind, perhaps, the President’s budget would make steep cuts to the Medicare program and reassign much of these savings to the expansion of the Smoke and Mirrors program.
Mick Mulvaney, director of the Office of Management and Budget, recently explained these decisions. “We can no longer afford to spend money on programs that do not yield results. Despite the outrageous amounts of money spent on Medicare, people continue to get sick. This, I think, by any metric you care to measure constitutes a failed program. Smoke and Mirrors, conversely, has been, and continues to be, a tremendous success. You need look no further than the results of the last election to see this.”
The President’s budget plan has received much criticism for its draconian cuts to social programs, such as Meals on Wheels, but this major increase has gone largely unremarked on by the media. Speaking on condition of anonymity, an analyst for the Wall Street Journal said “Of course we noticed the increase. It’s the largest single increase of any federal program…excuse me a second.” He said, investigating a buzzing alert on his phone. “Look,” he said, “the President just tweeted something about SnoopDogg!”
Asked for comment on the increase, press secretary Sean Spicer said “This represents nothing more than the President doing exactly what the American People hired him to do, and it is what he does better than anyone else. And furthermore,” he added, as he edged away from the podium, “were you aware that former President Obama personally tapped the phones at Trump tower?”
As of this writing, it is unclear whether this provision of the President’s budget will be made law. It is important to note, however, that I just found out about this site where you can make a kitten punch the president. Apparently Trump threatened to sue…wait, where was I?
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